Apartment 1, Christmas Eve

Hello. it's time for a reality check.

If I was a few years younger at this very moment, I would certainly be asleep by now, anxiously awaiting Santa's arrival. But I'm not. I can make an analogy to the feeling when you finish a shower but you still have water dripping off your fingers. it's like my childhood's dripping off my fingers... slower and slower until it finally stops. we've almost arrived at the stopping point, the point where you stop staring at your fingers in awe at the dripping, dry off, and move on with your day.

My uncle's staying overnight. He's going through a rough patch so we're taking him in. My dad said that my uncle and I had a lot in common, we're both jobless. i feel bad that i don't have a job, because i could if i wanted to. but i don't have enough time in my day, and i'm still convinced that if i promote my music enough, i could use that as a job sometime. i think i'm crazy right now for thinking that, the album's only been downloaded 11 times. but i'm gonna start making more videos, finding more ways to promote, maybe start looking at some shows.

but i genuinely feel as though i'm running out of time. where i'll be at a point where i'll have to get a job in order to sustain myself. college. that point's arriving in one and a half years. and i can't stand the thought of working in the gloomy kingdoms of food service or retail. but what else am i gonna do? there's nothing else a kid can do. we're helpless. we're sheep. slaves. we do as we're told. and that's that. that is, if we want the almighty dollar, or pound, or euro. yen. peso.

it's not that i'm lazy. it's just that i'm confused about my future. am i capable of living the life i dream of living?

drip... drip........... drip.............. drip........................drip..............................................

~-~