|a story|

it's fuckin' cold outside today.

i walked over to track practice and when i arrived, i saw that the backdoor to the gym was open. in desperate need of warmth, i walked inside to see several people from the basketball team. no one from the track team. this was awkward. not feeling like i had a place inside, i walked back outside. there were a few cars out there. i walked past them, looking inside of them to see if there were any people from the track team inside. not one. and i kept walking and looking. all of them were basketball players sitting in their cars waiting for the bus to show up. and i got stares in return. no one was going to let me in.

and for this brief instant, i felt like i didn't belong anywhere in the world. like i was just a soulless, destinationless entity wandering in the universe aimlessly, without purpose. this is what being homeless must feel like. looking through windows to see people living comfortably, eating dinner, watching TV, being happy. while you're outside on the street in -7 degree weather, looking for somewhere to go, for someone to warmly receive you.

it doesn't happen.

i finally found asylum in a friend(who i've been friends with for ages, also on the basketball team)'s car. i was no longer homeless. we talked for a few minutes and then the rest of my track team showed up and his bus showed up and life instantly returned back to normal. but i felt as though i had to document this particular moment in my life where i felt that i didn't truly belong. anywhere. i just existed. and it was horrible.

~-~