Calling It Off.

it's 12 minutes into today. but i need to talk.

i was thrown into this. and i played along for awhile, thinking, oh i can do this. but i can't. the fact of the matter is that i suffer from a lack of confidence. that tacked on to the fact that i feel socially awkward and, by the same hand, AM socially awkward. this therefore isn't fair to me. it's not that i'm afraid of girls, it's that i'm afraid of rejection, and a furthering of my lack of confidence and self-esteem. oh, but god forbid i back out. because then i get hurt. so the only way out of physical or mental pain is to just say i don't want to do it, and i don't want to get punished for doing it. and i don't feel like this makes me less of a man. it just means that i have this thing. it's called dignity.

The fact that I'm even spewing forth all of this drama about a stupid comical bet is ridiculous, and it shouldn't be the case. it's not fun like it seemed to be at first. at first it was a great concept. but there's been so much bickering. what's the point? it's almost gotten to the point where it's threatening the welfare of our friendship, for christsakes. And I will admit, that I've caused the most tumult. But it's for what is a morethanvalid raeson.

Either way, i'd end up damaged. so fuck it.
sorry to be a let down.
but maybe i'm doing you both a favor as well.

~-~