a blah blog.

and in gym class i sat down in this orange chair and started thinking. there was some 7th grade girl crying over god-knows-what, but it made me think. the whole "your whole life, you're working towards something and then you die" thing that's been said and over and over again, but i started thinking more about when the 'cycle' is at it's most active. junior high. 11-14 years old. we face such emotional distress that kids at that age should never go through. people are harsh, the bullies bully more, cliques are formed. and if you don't fit in, you're done for. this is when the identity comes out. you either never evolve from the playground days, or you become a perfect model citizen. A lot rides on those 3 grades. end of 8th grade. you wanna be cool, right? have fun like old people. get fucked, do drugs, and oh. welcome to your new life. human nature sucks.

and today was dreary. like really dreary. everyone was in a mood today and i really couldn't be bothered to put up with them. i just did a lot of thinking. there was a fight in the cafeteria today, and people were laughing and talking about it. made me think about people's innate pleasure out of seeing others in physical and mental pain. despite the fact that the fight was between two 8th grade girls (I go to a combined junior/senior high school since my town's small), and it could have very well been over nothing, you're still laughing at pain. and then you talk about it like other people's lives are more interesting and valuable than yours. human nature sucks.

and i almost had a mild anxiety attack today. because i realized i had too much going on at once. it was just a natural piling up of things. it's better now, i've prioritized. but human nature still sucks.

better, more lighthearted blog tomorrow. promise.

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