Everything's A Work In Progress.

Today is March 20, 2010. Below is a spoken word verse in a song I'm working on. I'm adding more, elaborating on the description of the town and other bits, but this is the basic gist of it:

"This town is a slum, swimming with the worst kinds of people. Asphyxiated by cold winds and filled to the brim with the beatenest brick buildings. But I was so afraid to leave. And now I miss homecooked meals, I miss the hospitality, I miss the freedom to spend summers outside of the steel cage that I inhabit, 9 to fucking 5s. I miss the barren trees at the start of spring, I miss the spontaneity, nights without direction, but we were goddamn kings, I miss the slide that my dad would turn into a sled run in the dead of winters. I miss the days I'd spend writing songs down at Angela's studio, and she always loved it even if the songs were shit, her laugh that made you laugh, I miss everything. I miss everyone. So I guess the lesson too-late-learned is, don't keep your head in the clouds. You face a future of regret unless you kill your friends and kill your family with your sympathy, your compassion, your kindness, and your love. Until they get sick of it."

Tomorrow, I'm going to pass in a job application, get fitted for a tux for prom, and get a new pair of shoes. Too much at once. Tomorrow's gonna suck. I don't like being out and about for an extended period of time, it really gets to me. I get self-conscious and feel like there's a set of eyes on me at all times. I prefer the safety and calmness of home. Call it a mild case of agoraphobia, that's what it is.

All I ate today was a thai peanut chicken wrap with peppers, onions, and cheese and a bunch of fries at Wings Your Way. Inbetween this, I played basketball with people all day, despite the fact that I'm horrible at basketball. I'm at least horrible at the offense part, I'm apparently alright at defending, because people dread when I defend them. It was surprisingly enjoyable, I was expecting to get sick of it, but I loved it. Apparently I had a stupid grin on my face the whole time. I couldn't stop laughing and I couldn't really pinpoint why. Endorphins, serotonin, brain chemicals: they're weird sometimes.

And then I came home and wrote that verse. While the verse is kind of positive in a weird sense, it's still kind of a stark contrast as to how I was feeling earlier. Everyone has their ups and downs, mine are just a little bit stronger, evidently.

snapshot:
QVC in the background. impulse purchases, instant gratification. Dog is on the new mocha microfoam couch. she shouldn't be. NCAA bracket to my left. Kansas got out. I had them winning. Thing might as well be thrown out now. Villanova's out too, but I had them out after the sweet 16 anyways. This year's tournament, man. Unpredictable. I'm waiting for something, or someone right now. Can't determine which. I need some social interaction. Loneliness is setting in after a day of being around everyone. Waiting. I tap my foot. The pitches on QVC continue until the end of the world.

~-~